I'm falling to pieces....

I don’t know why but I feel like giving up for everything. Why I can motivate myself? Why can’t I think positive at this time? I really need to find myself back. I think I’m losing myself. I forgot who I am. I’m so sick of myself right now!!!!! God!! This secret really brings me down. I can’t tell anyone about it. Not even my sisters or my friends, and not even my parents. I really don’t know what to do. I wish I can fix it just like that, but I can’t!! I just can’t!! I’ve made a mistake and I’m too afraid to admit it. I tried not to think about it too often, but it keeps coming and I can’t control it!!!! I really need to tell s’one about it, and let them mad n lecture me for the whole weeks and wish that they will forgive me and helping me to stand up! (But I guess, it will never happen). I am afraid, I am afraid that as soon as they know about it they will hate me. Oh god!! Please show me the way. I really don’t know what to do. I’m totally not myself right now. I hate myself like this!! I really hate it!!! Only if, I can turn back time.....I really need a second chance....please, make me strong.